Leg in the Legs
by FandomApocalypse
Summary: Set before The Last Olympian.  Annabeth comes across a special present for Percy out late in San Francisco.  Rated T for language and mild sexual refrences.


Author's Note: I wrote this story three years ago with my sister for a friend. It is moderatly amusing in my opinion especially since everything is in code names. There are three chapters to the story and it is not complete, but at the end I will post the glossery to it. If you have any idea what the "leg" is because it is not really a leg, guess in the comments. If you are right I will reward you some how, I just don't know how yet. Enjoy!

An Unexpected Trip to the Legs

I was running. Running as fast as I possibly could. What from you might ask? I was being hunted by a cannibal or as an ingenious person like myself would call them Laystrigonians. Not being full of myself or anything. It had caught up with me and I could feel its hot breath breathing down my neck. I glanced back; my gleaming knife in my hand; ready to pounce. I was too fast for it and pierced its throat with my jagged knife. It dissolved into a green powder vanishing before my very eyes.

Sudden weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was now able to take in my surroundings. The first thing that caught my attention was the strong, new scent of urine. I glanced to my left and spotted an extremely intoxicated man peeing on the side of the wall. "Gross!" I screeched. The man didn't even seem to notice my discomfort or the fact that I was staring. Well staring isn't what it's called exactly. I was just in shock. Not curious…just surprised. After the man was finished relieving himself against the wall, he walked by smiling and waving at me. It wasn't until after he passed that I realized that he never put his pants back on.

Why did I choose to be out so late? I knew the dangers out in this part of town. And no, I am _not_ just talking about the monsters. I began to recall the events leading up to this point. It all started with me buying a birthday present for my dad at Jos. A. Banks. I had picked out a sharp, red-striped tie and old guy slippers I thought he would like. I then proceeded to the cash register and took a good look at the clerk. _Something is a bit fishy about this guy_, I thought to myself. No, I don't mean that Percy was behind the counter. I mean that he was rather suspicious looking. He smelled bad, and when I say bad I mean horrific. But not like the wall smell I just encountered either. Oh my gods! Who am I Grover and Tyson? Great, so now I'm a one-eyed goat boy! Wait…did I just say boy? I meant _girl_, as in the female gender. Awesome, and now I'm a George Washington. I will not go any further into my sex change. Oh my gods, I'm having a nervy b. Fantastic! Now I'm Georgia Nicholson and I have my hopes up waiting for an SG and an Italian Stallion. In reality, though, I would just pick Dave the Laugh anyway.

So, I came back to my senses and took a better look around. I saw two decent-looking guys beside their cars in the alley behind me. From what I could read one guy was transferring bags of White Bear, Roxanne, and a hint of Flower Power into the other guy's trunk. I quickly realized that these two were taking a penny and leaving a penny. Now let's get one thing straight, if I wasn't alone in this dark place I would be laughing my butt off right now, but I wasn't really in the mood to be shot tonight.

"Wow, that's an awful lot of goodies. That guy could use some help," I giggled to myself softly. But, obviously not softly enough because the guys whipped around.

"Hey, sweet thang! What's your poison? Maybe I could hook you up if you would give me a 30 minute meal in return," the Big Poppy whispered with a wink.

"Excuse me? I hope you have the wrong idea here. I am neither a Skittle nor Rachael Ray! Therefore, there will be no 30 minute meals for you tonight and no goodies for me!" I sneered at the Big Poppy, stomping away.

I stopped in front of a dark building with a neon sign. Rave lights and techno music (wait, not techno, that's for clubs. No, it was Tila Tequila) drifted from the doorway. I realized that I was outside of the legs. This particular legs was called CHEETER'S DESIRABLE WOMEN FOR THE STRAIGHT.

My first instinct was to dash. Before I even got a chance, a man was standing there gazing at me. He was an African American and he had dreadlocks. He had a pink feather hat on and had a gold money chain, hanging low on his chest. He had a cane in his left hand. It was encrusted with Swarovski crystals. Covering his eyes were unneeded Dior aviators. On each arm were Rachel Rays dressed in a short Leather dress with cut outs all over. They each had hot pink boots and matching boas. They were obviously Rachel Ray's and he was their liver sucker.

"Hey there, baby doll. I gots a bidness propositions for yas," the liver sucker slurred. "I'll give you this here authentic leg if you would join in my ring of deliciousness." The anxious blonde standing next to him mouthed the words _No. Run for your life._ The liver sucker, though, noticed this out the corner of his eye and his meaty hand flew up, wrapping around her throat. His hand squeezed tight and a choking sound escaped from her small, delicate mouth. Her face slowly turned several shades of blue and purple until her body went limp and he let her drop with a _thud_ to the ground. Tears stung my eyes and I wanted to run into the night so he could never find me, but I was glued in front of this legs, wishing I could have saved the girl's life. Also, a rage overcame me and I wanted to kill every liver sucker within a nineteen mile radius. "Well," he laughed, "looks like it's your lucky day! We just got an opening!" He walked away into the legs leaving the other girl crying tears of remorse for her fellow Rachael Ray. It was then that I realized she was holding the leg in her arms.

"Take it," the girl said, offering her leg to me,"and run while you still have the chance." I removed its pantyhose and cradled in my arms as I ran sobbing into the dark night. I had always thought Rachael Ray-ism to be a joke, but as I watched that liver sucker choke that poor woman to death, I learned that it was usually just a last resort for these girls.

I sighed and speculated on what I was going to do with the russet leg in my arms. I continued to run, just hoping I would make it home in one piece. I was still crying. I just couldn't control it. It was then that I realized I still had my father's gift in my hand, inside a Jos. A Banks bag.


End file.
